This will be my last blog post for now. I will take “an official” break from social media. I need time to think and get myself back in shape. It has been so hard for past few weeks and that is also a reason why I’m posting in English. My friends all over has been asking is everything ok…
I can really point the moment when I realized that nothing is going to be ok anymore. It was the day when I hurt my back in 2008 and it drove me to desperate spiral with my health. Ten years I have struggled with back pain and couple of week ago my doctor found something also from my neck. They discovered that I might have un-examed injury there which wasn’t take care of then… That can be the reason why I keep loosing consciousness and my body parts gets numb. I don’t know am I capable to do any work, because I haven’t got any financial support when I have been sick.
Beside of all of this, about month ago our jack russell got hit by a horse and he (the dog) broke his leg. There was two options: to but him down or to operate. I didn’t have the money, but they operated him and my best friend took the invoice in her name. That surgery cost 1800 euros. He is doing fine now. I couldn’t put him to sleep because of just this “minor” thing… He is so dear to me, so had to do this no matter what.
We have been in deep dive for a while. All this and I’m loosing my business too. We took care of local post office – starting last summer – and little by little we noticed that it took more money than it brought to cash register. Soon it was too late and all that came apart… Those post and delivery services transferred to the town next-door so fast that I almost didn’t even got any time to react. I just got pushed away and got all the blame on me. As usual. And I underline: this has nothing to do with the success of Playsson.net or the magazine. It was just my mistake to be so excited to get in something for common good – I should have thought it better thru.
In this point I’m just clueless. I have no idea how to move on. Bad things keep on happening and it has take all that what should be aimed to Playsson.net… I’m running my business down in the end of February, but luckily we are able to continue with Playsson.net media and with Riders Magazine by a new partner. THOSE are the things that are functioning! Even though I have lost pretty much everything at least I will get some time to figure out how to move on. I have been so tired and painful every day… I would love to leave Ypäjä for good, but Alex likes in here and he is so into taking care of own stable.
I don’t know how much can one person bear pure shit, but it seems that I am going to find out. Unfortunately. All those people who has been wishing me to fail – I hope you are happy now. It takes time to get back on feet again. Image what it would be if suddenly everything you like to do has taken away. What there will be left? Empty shell.
“What can we do to help you?” is the question I have heard a lot. It has warmed my heart and the best thing you can do is to support Playsson.net by buying Riders Magazine and keep clicking our posts. 😘
I hope that the next time I’m posting here it will be a happy post and I have something good to tell. But for now – enough is enough. Take care.
edit. Art by Jaana Ovaskainen.